What's the Matter, Sweetie? Had A Date Last Night?
by Gray Svend
Summary: SNL's interpretation of Sean Connery and Alex Trebek from Celebrity Jeopardy. Slash! Don't read if you don't like! I will not tolerate flames! I know that this is the most out there of the pairings that I like, but I'm just trying it out


**Title: **_**What's the Matter, Sweetie? Had A Date Last Night?**_

**Warnings: Slash between two amazing characters from SNL**

**Disclaimer: I don't own SNL's interpretation of Alex Trebek or Sean Connery. If I did, they probably wouldn't be funny at all, seeing as I am not a comedian.**

**Summary: A one-shot between Alex and Sean (because you can sooooo see the chemistry between them!)**

**A/N: So, I was watching Celebrity Jeopardy clips a week ago and the thought of Sean and Alex being together popped into my head. I thought, 'Ohmygod, yes!' and this little ficlet was born! Rate an' Review please!**

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_What's the Matter, Sweetie? Had A Date Last Night?_

"Congratulations, Mr. Connery, you—what? Why did you DO that?"

"Because I hate you, Trebek."

Sean Connery played the clip from his archive of old Celebrity Jeopardy tapes over and over. He had meant what he had said to be more sarcastic than it came out, but alas, his rash remarks were coming out sounding more real than they had in previous years. Rewinding the tape to the beginning of the segment, Sean watched in dismay as Alex let out a huge sigh before speaking the name of the actor. He watched, chuckling lightly, at his own joke making fun of Trebek's sexuality. As Sean had admitted later in the scene, his shenanigans were all in good fun.

Obviously, Alex thought otherwise.

In every one of Sean's appearances, he had noticed the show's host wasn't as giddy as in other segments that Sean wasn't in. Sitting up on his couch in the dark room, he focused his eyes to the screen, pausing at a picture of Trebek smiling.

'Oh, lord.' He thought, shifting closer to the screen, barely able to tear his eyes off of the picture of the other man. His heart fluttered, and he pressed the play button, closing his eyes and drinking in the sound of his voice. The Scotsman groaned as he looked upon Trebek's sure movements and his heartbreaking comments. About Sean. All because Sean had 'slept with his mother' and made obscene jokes. 'All in good fun...' He reminded himself. Suddenly he realized that it was no use; he had to admit it. He had to admit why he felt like he did whenever he saw Trebek's face, why his heart had just stopped, then resumed its pace a million times faster.

'Because I love you, Trebek.'

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Alex Trebek cried after every Celebrity Jeopardy show he hosted. Some of his tears were for how utterly stupid some people could be, and then there were the ones shed for his embarrassment. He had been verbally assaulted by Sean Connery every single show that the Scott was in and the jokes about his mother were getting tiresome. Sean had gone too far the week after his mother had died, two weeks ago to be exact. Alex had teared up onstage and after the show was over, immediately ran home and cried harder than he ever had in his life. He stayed in his room for two days, not bothering to get up to eat, and only moving from the comfort of his bed to go to the bathroom. He hadn't left the house in over a week.

There was no one in his life now, except for his bed and the refrigerators stocked with take-out food left over from parties after regular Jeopardy shows.

About a week after the mother incident, Alex was curled up on his couch half dressed, with only sweat pants loosely tied around his waist. He stared at the television, barely watching the stupid infomercial selling its overpriced wares. So lost in thought was he that he didn't hear the bell to his house ring until it rang so urgently that Alex couldn't possibly ignore it. Groaning, he stumbled off of the couch, slipping on a sweatshirt that lay crumpled on the floor. His eyes drooped and large bags were forming under them, informing the world of his boycott of essential sleep. His gray-streaked brown hair was tousled almost in a handsome way.

When Alex opened the door, his scowl deepened. Sean Connery was standing on his porch, a hesitant grin on his aged face. He was dressed up in a black tuxedo with black pants and a blue pinstriped collared shirt underneath, making his cobalt eyes pop out dramatically. What was more unexpected than the older man standing at Alex's doorway? The bouquet of fresh-picked white daisies Sean was holding in his hand.

"Sean, what the _hell_ are you doing here?" Alex asked groggily, fists clenched at his side. Something in that smug smile of his clued Trebek to think that he wasn't going to like the answer.

"Oh, laddie, I just wanted to apologize for my actions a week ago." Sean's grin widened and he offered Alex the flowers. "Do you accept?" he added, a sarcastic tone building in his voice. "Or should I give these to your husban--"

He was cut off by Alex's hands suddenly grabbing his throat maliciously. The younger man's brown eyes glowed wildly and he sneered. "Why do you DO this to me?" He asked sternly through clenched teeth. He shook the man's head back and fourth. "Huh? Why?!"

Sean dropped the flowers on the ground and held onto Alex's hands for dear life. He shook his head, letting out a staggered breath. Alex loosened his grip a little, allowing him to speak a bit easier, and stopped shaking. "Y'see, Trebek, I know you think that my comments about your mother an' your love life are meant to be true, but you don't realize that I'm just doin' it to lighten up th' show." His blue eyes softened and he smiled expectantly. "And I'm sorry f'that, laddie."

Alex looked to the street behind Sean's head and let go of his neck. He repeated the ethnic slurred statement in his head, gaping his mouth a little. He trailed his eyes back to Sean's and nodded. "So, what did you come here for, then? 'Cause it's certainly not to apologize, I wager, seeing as you are still grinning like an idiot."

At that, the Scott smirked. He bent down to pick up the flowers, saying, "Well, I figured out somethin' a few nights ago that may come as good news or bad, depending on 'ow you take it." He took in and let out a deep breath, rocking on his feet and quotably 'grinning like an idiot'. "I love you, Alex."

Alex stood dumbfounded for a second before shaking his head and looking confused at the Scott. "I'm sorry, what?" He asked, listening intently this time.

"I love you, Alex," Sean repeated. "Not as a brother, but more as a... a..." He struggled for a good word to use, finally coming up with, "A very, very, very, very, VERY good friend." He ended the sentence with a stunning smirk.

Alex peered at the older man through a cover of confusion. His blue eyes... the way he spoke... his handsome features... He was definitely handsome; otherwise he wouldn't have become the infamous 007. Wait, did he just call Sean _handsome_?! Ok, so maybe Alex did like him a bit... maybe a lot... ok so he did love him! Alex shrugged his shoulders, staring into the blue depths of Sean's eyes.

Sean waited calmly, letting Alex take his confession in. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Alex looked at Sean head on. Alex seemed to not notice that he was smirking at the actor, because all of his concentration was placed into staring at his eyes.

"So...?" The Scott asked after a little more than uncomfortable silence took place. Alex shook out of his trance and stepped a little closer to Sean, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I just found out that I love you too." He breathed, placing his other hand on the other shoulder. He moved his hands to Sean's neck, this time stroking it lovingly. Sean's eyes widened as Alex moved in to kiss him.

Both of them barely noticed that the sky had opened up and that it was raining. They focused on moving their lips in tune to the others. Alex understood why the directors had picked Sean to be the womanizer in their movies; he was amazing at his practiced skill. The show host had only been kissed by two women: his mother (definitely not passionate) and his short-time wife. Neither of them matched this.

As for Sean, well, let's just say he was having the time of his life.

Thunder clapped overhead and both released the kiss. They stared at each other, grinning broadly, wishing that they hadn't stopped. The rain grew steadily harder and Alex nodded to inside the house.

"Would you like to come inside?" He asked, chest still heaving.

Sean nodded, speechless, and followed Alex into his home eagerly. Alex closed the door, locking it, and turned back to the actor. He pushed Sean against the wall in his hallway and their eyes locked again.

"What do you want to do, Sean?" He asked, shuffling closer and wiping away the rain that had collected on Sean's face. The actor smirked and whispered into Alex's ear.

"Oh, I'll play your game, you rogue."


End file.
